A wartime diary

I didn't think this was anything great. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone -- unless they love the genre. One props I'll give her is that her vocab rocks! The story is fascinating, but there isn't enough history about the Bosnia war and that made me feel like I really didn't understand why I should care so much about her friends fleaing and the seperation of the races. And she's too young to really tell you what was going on. I missed that. All in all -- it's just a pre-teen's diary.

The Friday Night Knitting Club (Borders recommended)

I wish this book had had some sort of commercial. To let me know, "nothing fantastic, just a cheesy little story that will sit well with you so long as you are in the right mood." Like so many chic-flic movies I opt to watch, knowing it won't wow me, but rather it will just suffice that desire I have to see some quirky little happy ever after love story. Luckily, I was in the mood for something less realistic, a quick get away after braving the likes of Anna Karenina and blazing through Giovanni's room.

Actually, now that I think about it -- the fact that it is Borders Book Club book of the month should have been my commercial. Maybe I knew what I was getting into all along. Maybe I've missed the likes of the Twilight series after all.

Warning: The rest of this post will contain spoilers.

Now some who've read it may be thinking, "What do you mean happy ever after ending!?!?! This book made me bawl my eyes out." Ok, that is understandable. But none the less this book was very much the perfect little story about six very different women and their perfectly happy lives. Cat gets to leave behind her ass of a a husband, even though she wishes he'd chase her down and beg her back, the book closes with her starting her own business and finally being able to return to the Catherine she always wanted to be. KC aces her LSAT test and will head onto Columbia Law -- and she finished her sweater. Lucie has a baby at 42 without any difficulty and she'll never have to share this baby with a man, as the father doesn't even know she was just using him for sperm; plus her movie about the knitting club seems to have been a big success, oh and her job gave her all the breaks in the world. Anita -- who they all loved and desperately needed but never seemed to actually care about -- finds a new love after being widowed for so many years. Peri's purses are picked up by Bloomingdale's and become a huge success, and she's now pretty much the owner of the store, and will never have to pay rent on the building because of Anita's lover's good heart. Darwin's husband comes back to her after a year of separation and even a scandalous one night stand -- oh and it's the disastrous sweater she knit that magically allows him to forgive her -- and she finally is able to write her dissertation. I'm sure she has a baby in Knit Two. And Georgia, even Georgia manages to work out all her struggles and have a beautifully happy ending. Her death didn't cause me to shed a single tear. The only times I would choke up came months later, as you watched others handle her disappearance. Which I think captures my beliefs on death quite well. It's always harder on those left behind.

Definitely a modern day Steel Magnolias. And I'm sure Julia Roberts will play the dying heroine once again. Even though she doesn't fit Georgia's description. I'm sure it will be a lovely movie. And because it will have a commercial, only people who are totally in the mood for a perfectly happy feel good movie will bother to pay for it. Or people who are always willing to watch their favorite actors (like Roberts) no matter how horrific the plot line seems.

But I don't think the movie will ever merit the likes of Steel Magnolias. It's set in NYC and we all know those kind of relationships really work best in small towns. How could you ever be buddies with a Ouiser in the city? Plus, movies are never as good as the book, and in this case, the book is never as good as the movie it was (perhaps subconsciously) paired after. But I actually wouldn't blame that on a faulty story line, but rather. Mediocre. Predictably. Cliched. Writing.

A quicky

Charly was definitely a quick read. I gobbled it down in one sitting. I figure, it's like watching the movie again -- but better. Books are always better. I just fell in love with Sam. Even though he caused my eyes to fall into the back of my head a couple of times, I just loved the way he changed because of Charly.

Some of the events were WAY out there. Like the marriage games. No guy is going to role play marriage for one whole week while in competition with another guy. No guy! And the dishes thing at their half mormon/half non-mormon party. Anyone would talk about the Gospel if someone was begging to learn, no matter how many dishes they had to do. And, any good mormon would help that man do the dishes after it was all said and done.

But overall I really liked the book. I always know it's good when I laugh out loud, gasp, and then get a little chocked up. I loved the scriptoral references. I wish I could recommend this to other Christian friends, but Sam is just a bit much sometimes and I don't want people to know some Mormons really think like that. Cause unfortunately I think some still do.

I hear this is Jack Weyland's best though, so I won't be running out to read others. I'd imagine he's like Nicholas Sparks, read one and you've got them all covered.

When people steal from you . . .

Make Lemonade. I've been wanting to read this since Read180 last year. But none of my students read it until this year, so I finally got around to it. Pretty good book. I quite like the two main characters. They are a good pair. Strange thing is, I automatically thought they were black. Their names, their circumstances -- I pictured my students. It wasn't till I read reviews on goodreads that I realized race was never assigned to any of the characters. Well done Weulf.

Jolly's story really is so sad. I wonder how real it is though. How many teen pregnancies are non-consensual. As so many teeners on Secret Life blog seem to say, sex is never non-consensual. But Jolly really makes you believe it was. Considering she was homeless and destitute, I wonder if it wasn't some kind of prostitution. But the book never really explains.

I hope Lavaughn makes it to college. I don't know if I hope enough to bother reading the rest of the trilogy. I'm just going to assume she does. Otherwise, it's pretty lame to carry on her story.

Going once, going twice . . .

Sold. It took me a couple goes at this book to finally finish it. The beginning is interesting enough, I don't know why I kept forgetting about it. The middle is horrifically sad. She's sold off three different times. Passed off from her stepfather, bought by some crazy woman, sold to Uncle Husband and then bought off at the highest price yet in India. The prose are the perfect writing style for this kind of story. It was far from Memoirs of a Geisha, but that novel is for adults, this is for teens. And I have to say I would only let my oldest of teen daughters read it. 17-years at least. The content is just so heart wrenching. And the author doesn't shy away from the facts these Nepalese girls face. I wondered if the story really had much value for teens, and I came to conclude it does, but like I said -- only older ones who are almost ready to deal with the harsh world we live in.

I was so into Teen lit this time last year, but I'm just not as enthused about it lately. I love that it is quick, but the content is never top quality. That use to not bother me, but I guess it is starting to now. Nevertheless, I feel like I must keep devouring the books my students read. At least the ones I might consider "valuable" reads. And this is one of them.

Classics Corner

So near the end of Anna Karenina I just had to find someone to discuss such a great work of art with. So I looked up groups on both Shelfari and Goodreads. As I read I enjoyed the Shelfari group better, but once I turned the last page the Goodreads discussion rocked my world. So I decided to join the group Constant Reader and committed to try and read all the classics this group brings to the table. Which meant I had two days to read this jewel, Giovanni's Room by James Baldwin. The description sounded interesting. A man traveling in Europe gets caught up in an affair that results in a battle of identity. And I've always wanted to read Baldwin so I ordered it from the library. And I'm so glad I did. I'd have never read this book otherwise. And it is brilliant.

The reader quickly realizes the affair is a homosexual one. And I will admit I thought maybe I ought not to read the novel, but I decided to press on and vowed that if anything was explicit I'd put the book down and return it to the library. But I was pleasantly surprised. Baldwin takes us on this journey, where it doesn't even matter that Giovanni and David are both men. So much more about their relationship is complicated and we learn from all aspects of their time together. This doesn't mean the book isn't about the struggles of sexuality. It definitely is that. I guess I'm just trying to say that there is so much more depth to their relationship than just the complications brought on by them being same sex partners.

I really felt like I was able to understand the battle someone like David must go through. He really didn't want to accept the fact that he was gay. He found so much comfort and safety with his girlfriend and eventual fiance Hella. But I think even Hella knew he did not truly love her. But I also think David did not truly love Giovanni. How can you love someone when all your surroundings and even your inner voice is telling you not to. I guess that is why the two men spend so much time inside. The room.

I loved that the room metaphor is carried throughout the whole novel and used for nearly every character. Hella has her room and is even described as a room, one in which you were once familiar with but now that the lights are off you are stumbling around.

The writing really was beautiful. The themes were applicable to people of all sexual desires. And the characters created some very interesting conflicts. I thought it was very well done. It was only 160 or so pages. I was able to read it in two days (two sittings really). I definitely felt like it was worth it and am glad Classics Corner gave me the opportunity. Unfortunately I don't feel that I can run around recommending it to all my friends . . . many of them just aren't ready for that.

Anna Karenina (again)

It happened, I waited too long after I'd finished the book to write my thoughts on Anna and Levin. It's only been about 5 days but I still feel like I can't capture all the emotions and thoughts they stirred up in my soul. I feel like I've parted from dear friends, ones who's impression has been left so profoundly on my soul, but who's memory will eventually fade. And sadly, I can't call them up on the phone and reminisce or reignite. But nevertheless I will try my best to recall my memories of them. I've been listening to a podcast on the book, I even read an essay from Oprah's book club. And I'll re-read what I wrote prior to this. I remember purposely writing about many events of the book in the previous post, so that when I got to Anna and Levin I could just analyze them and not what roles they play in everyone else's lives.

Levin
As I said previously, at the beginning of the book he is so socially awkward. And you pity his inability to discuss things close to his heart with those around him. Politically he has very differing views from most the other players in the novel and as a reader you love to hear what he has to say in regards to education and equal rights but he just always comes off wrong to everyone in the room. And then of course your heart breaks for him when Kitty turns him down. So you begin with this real sympathy for him.

Then we have this scene which all readers either loathe or love. Levin goes back to his farm and dives right into the work. Rather than just being the master of what takes place on his farm he actually puts on the dirty clothes and works hand in hand with the muzhik peasantry. Part Three of the novel is filled with pages and pages of Levin taking the scythe and mowing his massive grounds. It's comical as we realize a very old man can work harder and faster than Levin. Not because Levin is weak, but rather because the peasants are raised for this kind of labor and Levin was not. Levin spends two full days with the peasants. He even sleeps in the sheds with them. Even so he cannot tell you whether he loves or doesn't love them. So he remains conflicted in his political ideals of giving the peasants equal opportunities. Which is an interesting contrast with Vronksy, who we never see really working with the lower class, rather we just see him giving them great lip service and pleading for their equality -- perhaps knowing he won't have to deal with the effects of their education. As where I believe Levin really loves the lower class, especially the ruler of his house Agafya, but Levin understands the difficulty that will come as the peasants are educated. He recognizes the fact that this change will cause a revolution and totally remap Russian politics. Which we all know it did -- Communism.

So where many people complain about Levin's obsession with the country, even his own brother Sergei who is staying with him the days Levin abandons the house and picks up the scythe, and others see Levin as hard hearted for not seeking to educate his hired help. I prefer Levin's approach to the poor even more than I do Vronsky's. I don't believe Levin would ever try to stop the education of his laborers. I wouldn't even be surprised to see him offer them books and help them read, I think he is just weary of the consequences which will come when this minority (which is actually the majority) begins to want a better life, which will be the inevitable result of education. I don't think Levin cares about his status in society -- he even wishes it could be more natural for a man such as himself to work in the fields. So it's not that he likes these social barriers, I think he is just uncertain of how hard the will fall when the collapse. Something Vronsky doesn't concern himself with. Educate whoever would like so long as I can stay rich and live my upper class life seems to be his motto.


Though I start to fall in love with Levin while he is working the farm (country girl in me can't help it). I really get a sense of who he is during his short courting of Kitty. He continually gives her ways out. Fearing she doesn't really love him and not wanting to trap her into a second choice marriage he often tells her to call the whole thing off and leave. Though I do describe him as "pity" at the beginning of the novel. These moments are not at all a pity party he is throwing for himself. He is truly convinced he is not worthy of Kitty and he thinks her a fool for settling for him. I love that about him. That is how all men should feel about their brides. Kitty of course reassures him she loves him (after a little panicking herself) and with a little delay the two are married.

By this time in the novel I'm beginning to wonder if Levin isn't Toltstoy. Levin is so opinionated, those ideals must be rooted in the author? And though he is insecure he is so strong and likable, which I believe is the way many of us would try to present ourselves. So with a little research I learn, yes Levin is Tolstoy. The wedding day delay (not packing his proper shirt) the death of his brother, all these things are parallels to Tolstoy's life. Hmmmm....fascinating. I'm beginning to fall in love with Tolstoy.

I've already told you of my favorite Levin moment in Kitty's passages. So I shall skip a head to that pivotal moment when Levin, Kitty, and everyone else who has bombarded them at the country estate move to Moscow so Kitty can give birth with a Doctor and hospital cares near by. Levin is so at a loss in the city. He is not like Stiva and Vronsky. He doesn't go drinking or reveal in socializing. He loves his ideals and loves to share them but whenever he presents what he believes men seem to laugh at him. He really struggles in the city. There is also that desire to avoid Vronsky at all costs, which is so difficult considering they share a brother-in-law and inevitably share the same social scene. So after Kitty finally has her run in with Vronsky, and she admits there was a rush to the head at the beginning, she also confesses there are no feelings left for him -- now Levin doesn't have to avoid Vronsky so much. He can go out for drinks and political candor without so great a hesitation. Even though he doesn't like these things he does as all men should and goes to some sort of voting thing for the county in which his country estate belongs.

Here he avoids his own peers as Vronsky seems to be at their table, but eventually is sucked in by his brother and his in-laws. He is pleased that association with Vronsky isn't that difficult. He's just as awkward with Vronsky as he is with most men. But the two are both polite to one an other. And eventually, after several drinks, Stiva even convinces Levin to go visit Anna before he heads home. Levin agrees and I'm just shouting "You fool." What a terrible idea. Kitty is going to be so hurt and upset. But Levin almost feels as though he is doing his new friend Vronsky and his brother-in-law Stiva a favor by accompanying Stiva to see Anna.

I really should re-read this scene because it is SOOOO profound. Essentially Anna charms even Levin with her beautiful appearance. But it isn't even her looks that really captivates him. Rather he desires desperately to understand her feelings and emotions. She is so sweet and kind but he knows the battle within her our fierce. She is an outcast in a society she once thrived on. She's abandoned a happy life for her one true love. And Levin fears that even Vronsky doesn't understand her and satisfy her inner soul. Anna of course knows she has this way with men. At one point in the novel we are told she tries to make every man she meets fall in love with her. And though I've heard some argue Levin does fall in love with her I don't buy it. Had she asked him to take her to her room Levin would have turned her down. Maybe years from now when I re-read the novel I will look at this scene differently. But I read Levin's impressions of Anna as so natural. She's like the workers he wishes he could be. He wants to understand her and be her friend but he recognizes his place in society prohibits him from getting too close to her.

As he arrives home he is bombarded with a couple of notes, one from his sister asking for money to bail her out of her financial griefs and one about the selling of his hay. He takes care of his business and then attends to his wife. Right away she sees that he has been "bewitched" by something. He tries to hide his excitement and act casually as he tells her about his meeting with Anna but Kitty knows without a doubt that she charmed him. And the best part is Levin doesn't deny it. His heart did race as he gazed into her gorgeous eyes and luxurious smile, but in the end he only felt pity for her for being trapped in such a horrible situation. His desire to understand her did come as a result of her good looks, but also out of curiosity about the whole affair. He pleas for Kitty's forgiveness and both recognize the city has had a bad impact on their marriage. Kitty just wants to have her baby and return to their farm house.

And at 5:00 the next morning she begins to have their baby. This whole scene is told to us through Levin and I love that. It's not at all like the movies, but you do get an idea of what a man goes through when his wife is in labor pains. He really believe she's dying cause he's never heard her scream like that. And then when he sees his son he has as great a spiritual moment as when his brother died. He even recalls the events of his brothers death (worth noting that, that is when Kitty got pregnant, while they were attending to his dying brother). And now Levin who has no faith in God recognizes there has to be something . . .

And I believe we don't see Levin again until he is back in the country and his son is several months old. He is still fighting this conversion that is stirring in his soul. But before I tell you about his struggle and his solution I must go onto Anna.

Anna
My favorite line in the novel is when Vronsky realizes Anna is a flower. One of the most beautiful creatures he has ever seen. So mesmerizing he had to bend down and pick her. And as a result she is dying. I often thought that is all I will have to say to analyze Anna. It is so profound!

At the beginning of the novel, when Vronsky meets her, she is gorgeous and strong, the definite hero of the novel. Even the days after he picks her, her beauty remains. She's taken from the soil of an unhappy marriage and safe guarded by a cup of water. But eventually Vronsky's cup runs low and there is nothing he can do to save his lovely Anna. It surprised even myself that I began to loathe Anna in the middle of the novel. I wanted her to be the hero, and not that a hero couldn't have a struggle or a rough patch. But I just didn't want her to find happiness. And I hated that about myself. Who was I to say a woman shouldn't be happy when she leaves her husband for her true love. I thought I'd admired her decision to fight society and follow her heart. What I hated about her is that she couldn't accept the consequences of her decision. I realize she was so in love and it must have all happened so fast that she hadn't taken into consideration all the changes her affair with Vronsky would bring. But she was so willing to live her son and honeymoon with Vronsky in France and Italy, by nature I believed that running away did forfeit her right to have custody of her son. But suddenly she is so torn she can't even love Vronsky cause he took her from her son? No sweety, you left your son behind for a few months of vacation and sex. And the child you had to bring -- you never even watched over or cared for. You just carted her, the nanny, and the wet nurse around out of obligation. I can approve of changing your life for love. But if by the time this change comes you already have two children, you don't get to have the honeymoon a young single girl in love (such as Kitty) gets to have. Face the facts. And then once that honeymoon is over you don't get to hate your former husband from keeping your son from you. You left your husband and son without so much as an explanation. Of course they don't have to jump at your beckon call.

Like I said, I hated her for her selfishness. And I hated her for making me feel so ill toward her.

But Anna is the beautiful girl who always gets what she wants. Even when her desires continue to make her more unhappy. She sees her son on his birthday, just destroying his confusion about why she left and further damaging his reasoning about what has happened between her and his father. She goes out in society with a friend and is humiliated in a theatre box. She's then mad at Vronsky for this humiliation even though he begged her not to go. Knowing full well that she would be shunned and ridiculed. She wanted to prove some sort of point by going out without him. And she of course had to chat with the young man in the box next to hers. As a result his wife told Anna what she thinks of her. To which Anna just sobs and yells at Vronsky, who's just rushed to the theatre to save her, it's all his fault -- he let society shame her like that. Brother woman, get real.

After this humiliation she and Vronsky make for the country. Where Dolly visits and through Dolly's visit we come to believe Anna may finally be happy. She doesn't love her daughter, that is more than obvious. And that just fuels the fire that makes me dislike Anna. But through Dolly's eyes you really pity Anna and once again feel guilty for never having liked her. You see that Anna is just like any other woman. Anna wanted the love of her soul mate, Vronsky. So she ran away after it. Anna wants the comfort of a good female friend like Dolly. She's ecstatic this sister-in-law has arrived. But Dolly can't take the grandeur of their country house for more than one day. We see that Anna and Vronsky have thrown around money to try to replace their status in high society. They have all the nicest things in all of Europe. And though this fascinates Dolly she is quick to leave it all behind and return to her comfort zone with Kitty and Levin.

Oh, the best part about Dolly's trip to Anna is that the character Levin threw out of his house is now staying with Vronsky and Anna. And just as he did in the Levin household, he hits on the lady of the house here as well. And Vronsky of course is flattered by it and Anna reveals in it. Yuck. But perfect resemblance of their differences.

I guess it is here in the country that I really begin to be frustrated with Anna. I can't hate her anymore cause those feelings cost myself too much grief. So now I become frustrated with her. Dolly has extended the hand of friendship, something Anna recognizes she needs so badly. But Anna does very little to keep it. Sure she avoids talking about herself too much. But she never returns the favor of visiting Dolly when they all end up in Moscow together. Rather when they go to Moscow Anna just locks herself up in her house and becomes so angry with Vronsky. He can go out on nights like the voting and gamble and drink with his friends. You can tell she hates him for taking her away from her son (a choice she so clearly made all on her own). She hates him for getting long well in the society that has rejected her. She doesn't even bother to see all the Vronsky has sacrificed for their love. He essentially has no heir. Any child she bears with him belongs to Karenin. And yes, he too suffers the effects of society. His own mother practically despises him. Men like Levin avoid him. He suffers all the things Anna does. But rather than stay at home and mope about it he goes out and lives life. He's given up his career in the army and settled in the country, something he would have never done if it wasn't something Anna had asked of him. He stops courting women, but because he maintains friendships with his bachelor friends Anna is obsessed with the idea that he is cheating on her.

She does nothing healthy. She just sits at home and brews over all the things she and Vronsky can fight over. She constantly brings up the things she despises in him to try and get him to prove how much he loves her. She, like Levin once was, is convinced her partner has settled and is unhappy. She offers him ways out, but unlike Levin it's not sincere, it's a trap. If he takes the out she'll kill herself (she doesn't tell him that but I'm sure he knows). And even he doesn't take the out she'll just continue to make his life miserable by constantly fighting with him.

It's so frustrating. I just want to shake her, give her some meds, make her love her daughter, make her leave her house and visit Dolly. All these remedies (except for the meds) are all around her and she doesn't seek after any of them. Instead she turns to drugs (opium and something else I can't recall). Oh, she is so frustrating. I no longer hate her, I pity her. Something all the major characters in the book feel for her. And I don't want to join them, I want to help her, but I can't. All I can do is pity her and watch her throw her life away.

Which she does. Vronsky stops trying to prove his love to her. He's learned that when she yells and screams yelling back does no good. He's learned chasing after her and making love to her as a means of forgiveness also does no good. So finally, he tries ignoring her. A natural progression on his part. And as s result she goes hysterical. Not in front of him of course. He's left the house now and off to run his errands. Now, finally, she runs to Dolly. A good move on her part. But on finding Kitty at Dolly's house she automatically gets all evil and evil. Rather than pour her heart out to Dolly which would have served her well she gets mad at Dolly for tending to her own little sister as Kitty is ill. And then she has the gall to get mad at Kitty for not coming and greeting her. Well, excuse me Anna, Kitty can hardly stand . . . and yes, you did steal her boyfriend once upon a time. She's over it now cause her life has been much happier as a result, and yours is obviously destroyed . . . but you can't really blame Kitty for not jumping at the joy of your presence. And then when Kitty finally does come to greet you. How do you behave. You actually think to yourself, "I could have stole her husband from her too." What a wicked wicked woman! I wish she had tried, right then and there. I dare you Anna, go to the farm and woo Levin. See how far that gets you.

That's thing about women like Anna. They don't even recognize the poison that destroys them. Her desire to make every man fall in love with her is what got her into this whole mess. Her lack of female friendships is what is leaving her empty and alone on days like today. Don't seek to destroy Kitty . . . you already have once. Give Dolly the half hour she needs to prepare for your visit and then crash in her arms. Sobbing over all your griefs. I promise, it will do you well.

But no, she just gets back on her carriage and decides to chase after Vronsky. Sure to find him in an affair. The carriage ride is so comical. Everywhere Anna looks she sees people that just disgust her. She can find no beauty anywhere. The flower who once thrived on the glory of the forest is now suffocating so grotesquely that everything around her is vile. I guess because it lives. While she is dying she can't stand to see things go on and live. Doesn't the world revolve around me? I think what Anna really saw in all those people as she rode home and then to the train station was the ugliness she was finally seeing in herself. She curses Vronsky's mother for not being able to be happy for her sons happiness. What kind of mother distances herself from a son merely because he's found happiness in a way unfit for her. Well Anna, you. You're that mother! I've often believed that the things we dislike in others are commonly the things we can't see in ourselves. Anna's moment of judgement and rath toward every human she sees is exactly that.

So she arrives at the train station. She's given the second note from Vronsky, which pretty much says, sorry . . . but I really can't run home. I want to but I'm already in the middle of these errands, I'll be there as soon as I can.

And that's it. That's the straw. She throws herself down on the tracks. And dies just as that man did on the first day she met Vronsky. She does it all to try and prove to him how much he loves her. How much he'll miss her. I don't even acknowledge the fact that she crossed herself and asked Gods forgiveness as the train ran her over. I know it's significant, but I guess I'm just too close-minded to suicide to even care.

Anna's last act was the most selfish one she made throughout the whole novel.

And I love that the next chapter takes us ahead 2 months, and is spoken by Levin's brother Sergei, a character of little to no importance and of no relation to Anna. Perfect, just perfect. As Countess Vronsky tells Sergei, "No, whatever you say, she was a bad woman. Well, what are these desperate passions! It's all to prove something special. So she proved it. Ruined herself and two fine men." (Part 8 chp 4). She ruined even more than that. Two beautiful children. And her impact stretches to all the people who will now come close to those two fine men and two beautiful children. She did prove it. She got what she wanted. Vronsky wept over her body, and she wasn't even there to see it. Stiva and his family are of course affected. Anna you selfish brat, your proved your point and destroyed the hearts of many while you were at it.

Fortunately, I don't agree that she was a bad woman. And of course I don't hate anyone and everyone who thinks about or even commits suicide. I sympathize with them and what they are giong through. I didn't dismiss Anna's behavior near the end as her "going mad" as so many readers. Instead I recognized in Anna a bit of myself. That self that is thrown so far into the pits of depression I can't find my way out or think clearly. And I do think many people get to that point where they can't climb their own way out. But that's why there are good women and friends in the world like Dolly. And compassionate spouses like Kitty and Vronsky. And lovely servants like Annushka. Anna had people to turn to for help. Anna had other options. Anna chose her fate and though God may forgive her and I too must. I cannot, cannot think what she did was heroic.

That's right, in my reading and studying of this novel I've heard many people confirm her a hero. Or rather an anti-hero. Which I guess is a real literary term/device. And they refer to Levin as the whimp. As we learn in part 8 Levin and Anna were perhaps kindred spirits. In his search for God he ponders suicide and her go at suicide she finds God. One reader said Anna had the courage to face death while Levin did not. Oh contrair. Levin had the courage to face life and his responsibilities wrought on by his own choices and actions. Anna wasn't nearly so brave. Levin, like Anna, hated the impact society had on him. He didn't enjoy the company of his million visitors and he was strained by his sister's plea for money and burdened by the Oblonsky's waste of their own. But rather than kill himself and say do what you want with my money he stuck it out. He rescued his sister and Stiva's whole family. He loved his wife and son and saught answers to the thoughts that plagued him.

Anna was the coward. She couldn't even begin to try to make the best out of the situation she brought upon herself. She couldn't even decide to love Vronsky unconditionally as Levin did Kitty. Instead she sought to torture and destroy him. And she did. She succeeded. His daughter went to her first husband. His estate I'm sure was surrendered to his mother. And he gave his life and body to the war, he headed off to his own sure death, because when Anna died she took all he loved with her. Not just Anna herself, but their daughter and his new career. She ruined him. He'd sacrificed everything and even that wasn't enough for her. She had to make him as unhappy as she was.

Oh Anna. If only she could have accepted and loved herself, then maybe she could have loved others as Varenka, Dolly and Kitty did.